#22 - July 3rd 2007

Mending the heartbreak…

I first found out about Robert’s family situation a couple of weeks ago and have been working hard to find solutions since then. At first it was devastating to discover all his family’s problems, but with a little encouragement from my family, friends, and from Abbey, I’m feeling more hopeful.

Abbey had a meeting with Robert’s mother in order to get more information, information I was unable to get due to my lack of fluency in Luganda. He discovered that she has been enrolled in a free HIV treatment program at a near-by hospital. This program provides her with free medication and check-ups, and also sends someone to check up on her weekly. I will make a visit to the hospital to ensure she is able to get proper care. Abbey said that she was very concerned about the time she had left; whether she would be able to continue providing for her kids, whether they would survive once she was gone. She confessed that she worried about Kimala, her eldest son. He is making his third attempt at completing Primary 6. He is not performing well at school and is constantly getting himself in trouble. He lies. He is disrespectful to his mother and cruel towards his siblings. He’s beaten up Robert on several occasions. His mother is quickly losing faith and trust in him. She is deeply concerned that when she passes he will suppress the other children and become a tyrant.

This paints a fairly bleak picture of Kimala, a boy I have previously described as “confident, cool and positive…the girls would go crazy over him in Canada.” Let me try to explain. Kimala is an actor, an actor that plays multiple parts in the play of his life. To me, he is suave, charming. He fronts self-assuredness, giggles bashfully in uncomfortable situations. He walks a tight-rope line between confidence and embarrassed anger. If Robert is around us, he’ll bite his lip to keep from yelling at him in my presence. He never speaks to Robert in English in front of me, only stern Luganda. I pick out a few words and realize why he avoids English. It is difficult for me to accept his ulterior personality, I really haven’t witnessed it. But its there, and it is venomous. He’s a poor influence for Robert. Abbey worries about him failing a third time at school, his next option being an apprenticeship. I understand his mother’s concern. This is one part of the equation I have yet to elucidate. One of my family members at home has similar attitude problems, never mind the addition of being poverty-stricken and orphaned.

Abbey said that Robert’s mother has all the faith in the world in her other son. She recognizes Robert’s intelligence, his special spirit. I’m beginning to believe he got it from her. She trusts him implicitly. She leans on him often. She has so many hopes and dreams for him. As do I. Here, my family will step in to help. My mom, desperate to help relieve this family of their extremely difficult burdens, has offered to sponsor Robert through his schooling. We’ve already drawn up plans to switch Robert to a better school, buy him a new uniform, purchase new books and school supplies, ensure he is introduced to the best teachers. He will begin Primary 5 in February 2008 refreshed, rejuvenated. With new hope. I haven’t seen a happier face than the one smiling back at me when I told this to Robert.

Sponsoring Robert will relieve some of his mother’s burden, unfortunately its not nearly enough. Abbey inquired about her work; she sells maize on the road-side, but this is seasonal. She also marinates and cooks cow’s lung to sell on the street, but Uganda’s supply of cattle is dwindling, and thus so are the business opportunities. She is currently looking into other areas of work, and with Abbey’s assistance we are hoping to successfully brainstorm other options. That said, regardless of whether we can create income-generating alternatives, she is still very sick. She shouldn’t actually be working at all. If there was any sense of fairness in the world, this extremely hard-working, dedicated mother of three would be in a comfortable hospital bed getting properly cared for, her family taken care of by other family members and friends. The reality is that her kids are all she has left, her manual labor their only method of survival. The extended family took all of her deceased husband’s possessions and left her without enough money to bury his body. Left her with three kids, alone.

Abbey came back from the meeting as upset as I had been from my first visit. He described Robert’s mom as humble and sweet. He said there was something special about her. Something rare. The work she has done to keep her family afloat is phenomenal, he said. He has seen more than a few mothers drop their kids off at his doorstep, women whose situations haven’t been nearly as bad as hers. That she has nearly completed the family’s house is incredible, that she manages to send her children to school beyond belief. Abbey is taken by her. “She’s extra-ordinary, Nicole. Extra-ordinary.”

After discussing everything with Abbey and my parents, we’ve decided my family will ‘sponsor’ Robert’s family. We will enlist in the help of the African Heart boys and get the rest of the house built. We will remove one of the tenants in order to free up one more room of the house for living space. The beds will be moved into the extra room, mosquito nets bought and put in place. The other room will become a kitchen/sitting room. I will ensure they receive enough money each month to make up for the lost tenet. Fundraising in Canada will buy new clothes to replace the rags they are all wearing. It will also buy food. I discovered yesterday they have been going without breakfast and lunch for weeks. A friend in Canada is preparing a will, to ensure the house goes to the children in the event that Robert’s mother succumbs to her disease. It will stipulate that the house is not to be sold until the youngest child has reached the mature age of twenty. Hopefully Kimala will have a good head on his shoulders by this time. This week I will be speaking with a female social worker in hopes that she will be able to talk to the mother and Robert’s sister, find out how they are both dealing with this situation as women, to see what kind of extra needs they may have. Also, I have a friend that runs a similar program to African Hearts, but for girls; I plan to speak with this woman to determine whether Robert’s sister would have a place at her home should her mother pass.

Last night I took Robert out for dinner and explained some of these things to him. As per usual he understood everything perfectly and had some interesting and helpful suggestions of his own. He worried about burdening my family financially. He didn’t eat a single morsel that day and was concerned about my family. Is it coming across just how amazing this kid is? I hope so. As we walked home, he passed me a note. In bed that night I opened it; a sweet, sweet letter and beautiful drawing of Robert and I, both donning our country’s flags proudly. The letter was full of thank-you’s and appreciation. I really can’t explain how badly I want to help this boy, help his family. Help give him some of the comfort that I had every day of my life growing up.

~Nicole