#36 – Sept 7th 2007

Robert & family update…

I last wrote about Robert and his family at the beginning of July. Two months have passed and much has changed. At the same time, much has stayed the same. Hope has come and gone, and come again. The family’s luck comes in giant ebbs and flows. They suffer greatly yet somehow manage to get by, to survive, to persevere. I’ve been walking beside them, lending a helping hand when they falter, wishing there was more I could do to help them travel unhindered to the end of their days. I watch as the family experiences more trials and tribulations than any family goes through where I come from. I shake my head in disbelief as time and time again they are knocked down by poverty and disease. I ponder the ability of this country to endure with 90% of the population experiencing similar situations. Yet they do, a testament to the African heart.

I received an outpouring of support from people anxious to help Robert’s family and used the money they generously donated to reconstruct Robert’s house. Last Sunday the finishing touches were applied and the family has finally breathed a sigh of relief. They now occupy two large rooms, one used as a bedroom, one as the sitting room/kitchen. Still tiny by Western standards, it feels spacious and livable to the family. The walls have been plastered and painted, the holes in the roof covered up, the electricity turned back on. The other rooms in the house have also been finished, allowing Madina to charge more for rent. I’ve been following the progress of reconstruction since it began, and am thrilled by the final product. I went over on Sunday to bring ‘celebratory’ groceries and found Madina’s extended family enjoying the comfort of the new sitting room. They were all overjoyed with the results and gushingly thankful for the generous assistance. They all fell to their knees (a sign of great respect) in praise and thanks when I entered the room. I explained that it was the generosity of my family back in Canada that had made it possible and they implored me to send a thousand thanks. Madina, in her usual gracious and humble manner, has shown me a constant expression of appreciation and gratitude since the day we met. Never have I witnessed such genuine thankfulness, never have I met someone more deserving of friendship, love, and support.

Madina fell ill several times throughout the construction process. I found out much too late she was doing a lot of the heavy lifting, still working at her maize stand at night, while also doing the family’s cooking, cleaning, and also fetching water from the well. Kimala, Robert, and Judith were not doing enough to assist her, and the money from selling maize was not enough to nourish and sustain her throughout the difficult and long days. The stress of rebuilding, of her illness, her lack of funds, and various family issues were all weighing heavily on her mind. I enlisted in the help of a kind woman I’d made acquaintances with through Natalie and Peter, named Edissa. Edissa owns a stationary business near Mengo Hospital and sidelines as a counselor. On several occasions I’d mentioned the plight of Robert’s family, and she had expressed her desire to help. Feeling that I was under-equipped to deal with Madina’s problems, I accepted Edissa’s offer and brought her to Robert’s home. Their first conversation exceeded two hours and I could already see the light returning to Madina’s face as we departed. It reminded me that no matter how much I desire to help, I may never fully understand the African perspective and whenever possible I need to step aside and work as a ‘silent’ partner.

This meeting turned into a weekly event, Edissa working closely with each member of the family, slowly drawing out their unique issues and helping them deal with each in turn. Judith is extremely introverted and needs to gain strength of spirit, needs to find her voice. Kimala is unequipped to deal with his hormonal changes and unless properly guided runs the risk of making some very damaging mistakes. Robert needs to channel his intellect into something productive, needs to be encouraged to utilize his talents and realize his potential. He also needs to take the world off of his shoulders and realize some things are out of his control. He needs to relax and allow himself to enjoy the rest of his childhood as much as possible. Edissa is dedicated to assisting each one in his or her efforts. I am eternally grateful for her support. Edissa and I have shared many enlightening conversations; she teaches me the African woman’s perspective and helps me to see the roots of many problems faced by Ugandan families. Natalie, Peter, and I recently enjoyed a traditional Ugandan dinner at her home; to see her interact with her children and realize how well she keeps up her home and her family unit, as well as a business, all as a single parent, is truly incredible. I know I can entrust her with the care of Robert’s family when I leave. It is people like Abbey and Edissa that will change the course of this country, of this continent, and it is people like them that I can rely on to be my eyes and ears on the ground once I return to Canada.

Robert and Judith have officially switched schools. They have moved from a very dingy, small establishment to Mengo Primary, one of the more respected schools in Kampala. They will begin 3^rd term on September 17^th. My mom will be sponsoring Robert for his tuition and requirements, while Madina will continue to pay for Judith. Surprisingly, switching the kids to a better school didn’t raise their tuition fees. It was only the cost of buying new uniforms that was inhibiting Madina. While Robert is still in primary, my mom will pay less than $100 per year. Once he reaches secondary, she’ll pay $35 per month each year, less than most people spend on coffee. Instead of having a daily latte at Starbucks, she’ll carry a water bottle; in this way she will refuse to support a coffee company that carries on exploitative trade practices with Africa, she’ll improve her own health, and she’ll be supporting the educational advancement of a child in need.

As I mentioned earlier, this family’s luck only lasts so long. Shortly after their house was completed, Robert’s grandmother fell ill and moved in, further depleting the family’s resources, forcing them to stretch what small funds they had. Of course they did this without blinking an eye; without hesitation. In Uganda family is viewed as limbs of one body; your sister’s kids are no less important than your own, and are referred to as brothers and sisters by your children. Your parents are to be supported until death by the entire family. No one is left to fend for themselves. If a family member falls ill, they move in. If someone dies, their responsibilities become your responsibilities, and you never complain about it. All of this is done as if it were the natural way of things. Here, it is the natural way. Someone asked me what I would do in Canada if my aunt and uncle both died. I couldn’t respond because I couldn’t think of a single situation where both parents would pass away, save for freak accidents. In the west we simply don’t have the same experiences with death as Ugandans do. Try explaining that one.

Days after Robert’s grandmother moved in, Madina fell ill once again. She developed a growth on her back, a cyst the size of a chestnut that became infected. As her body attempted to fight off the infection she became delirious with fever. We rushed to Mengo hospital where the doctor pronounced she’d need surgery the following day. Back to the hospital by 7am the next morning, Madina waited in agony for several long hours before they took her to surgery. I have to say that my experience at the hospital was more than a little frustrating. No one told us what was going on. The doctor who diagnosed her did not give any instructions to those operating. One nurse told me she could eat, another said absolutely not. Robert and I were expected to stay at the hospital to ‘look after her’ until surgery, apparently not the nurses’ job. They claimed she would go into surgery at 8am, she went in at 4pm. We were expected to bring our own blankets for the hospital bed, but no one told us as much. Then there’s the cost of the operation. Madina barely has enough to feed her children, never mind pay for a costly procedure. All-in-all, it cost 150,000 Ugandan shillings ($92). Where are people supposed to find that money? Most don’t make that in a year! In any event, the procedure was successful and Madina emerged overjoyed with relief and overflowing with gratitude. I cannot describe her thankfulness, I can only say I couldn’t think of how to respond to such an outpouring. It seems rather trite to say, “No problem, don’t worry about it!” when an operation has just saved someone’s life. In my mind I was still going over the idea that had I not been able to help, Madina would have died. Died. Three young children would have been orphaned. How am I supposed to deal with that? How do I deal with the fact that that happens every single day here in Uganda? Uganda is host to over 2 million orphans. Let me say that number again…really think about it: 2 million.

Madina’s grandmother is recovering. Madina herself came out of surgery with a smile on her face, and after a nice hot meal at a local restaurant, went home for some well-deserved rest. Now that the house is finished, I begin work on organizing a new job for Madina. I will be visiting local markets in order to find a new, more secure area of work, while also connecting her with Sandra’s father, for whom she will hopefully be selling fish. I am excited about the prospect of supporting both Robert and Sandra’s family at the same time. I am trying my best to provide a more comfortable living situation for my new friends and family, one that I can feel confident will continue after I depart in November.

~Nicole

PS – A few pictures of Robert’s house in construction, and of the family, can be found at:

http://uvic.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2057138&l=1d7ca&id=122501804